It's all how you look at things

Perspective.

It's been my mantra for some time now, along with "balance." Nothing like a one-word slogan. Easy to remember, easy to repeat to oneself in times of need.

Problem is, I've been lacking both lately. Generally, if I am lacking one, the other picks up; without balance, I find perspective in order to eventually find balance again. Without perspective, I look for balance until the good point of view returns.

I got into work this morning (and yesterday morning) in a horrible mood. By the time I get in at 7am, I have been awake for 2 hours, had a large iced coffee and breakfast, and listened to the news and daily Red Sox rants. You think I'd be ready to go. But, for some reason (and especially this week) I have just been completely exhausted and horrifically ill-tempered. Maybe it has something to do with all the frustrations I've been feeling about my job (the full-time one); maybe it's just being overworked; maybe it's something entirely different. The point is, it's unwarranted and I feel badly. My coworkers don't deserve this side of me, they do nothing wrong. Yet, I can't hide my annoyance when they ask for my help, I can't put on a cheery face and pretend I don't want to just say, "I quit" and walk out the door, I can't find that perspective that allows me to be ok with the fact that this is a temporary situation (however permanent it sometimes feels) until I can get back to school.

I need to seek out happiness again. Lately, I am not even enjoying the things that usually make me happy. Going to Red Sox games - an abundant source of joy - has become more of a chore because my schedule is so hectic. I can't even enjoy the game because by the fifth inning I'm looking at the clock and calculating what time I'll be home and how much sleep I won't get. Hanging out with friends has all but stopped. Sure, I enjoyed the birthday dinners I went to the other week, but as with the Sox games, it meant spending money I didn't have and getting home way too late. My responsibilities are stealing my joy!

So I'm clearly lacking balance, but I'm also lacking perspective. I'm bitter and frustrated about everything. This isn't me at all! I keep saying it will be better when I move, and maybe it will... but it won't be just because I am closer to work and no longer have to spend 2+ hours every day in traffic (though that will help). If anything changes, it will be because I use the move as an excuse, as a turning point in my mentality that things can and will change, that I will be able to have more flexibility and have some fun again... until, that is, I start taking the class I'm going to take, and M-Th nights are completely booked with the obligations of work and school. Damn.

Well, here it goes: I have a few events coming up to look forward to, and despite the ever-present time crunch, I'm going to do my best to not let that ruin them. Here goes nothin...